Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

29 Jan 2013

by Susan Cain

Demonstrates how introverted people are misunderstood and undervalued in today's culture, charting the rise of extrovert ideology while sharing anecdotal examples to counsel readers on how to use introvert talents to adapt to various situations and empower introverted children. Reprint. 150,000 first printing.

Pages: 352

Publisher: Broadway Books

Overall: 62% of the 180 mentions are positive, 37% are neutral and 1% are negative.

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180 mentions sorted by:
  • Honestly; there is nothing wrong with you. Speaking up in a group of people is hard unless you are comfortable with them and I don't believe that is the reason you struggle to develop relationships. Sure; if you're confident and witty; then it's a foot in the door; allowing you to start developing a relationship - if you are always on the edge of things then it becomes more difficult. I was always on the edge of things in high school. I would sometimes try and insert a comment but it would be forced because I was desperately trying to get myself noticed. When you are in that frame of mind; you aren't relaxed and it becomes far harder to contribute to the conversation. I used to think this was a fundamental flaw of mine until I got to university and developed a group of friends that actually valued me. I felt relaxed around them and my personality started to come through more. There are a couple of books that I've read that have really clicked with me. You sound a lot like me; so I think they will help. - Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life - Stop Being Lonely: Three Simple Steps to Developing Close Friendships and Deep Relationships Hope this helps!
    22 points in /r/DecidingToBeBetter by graz2342 | 19 May 2017
  • > I was always embarassed to talk about my feelings I'm one of the older INTP's here I think... 42m. There are multiple issues at work here. 1) You need to be convinced that your feelings matter. Spend a while meditating on that fact. Your feelings matter. This is a huge issue for us as people. For most of my life; I was treated like a bystander; so that's what I was. I eventually got tired of that "role"; and decided to play a new one. 2) You need to be able to "feel what you feel". We often have a REALLY hard time COMMUNICATING what we feel. This is closely related to issue #1. You CAN actually LEARN to feel... it just takes a little practice. When you can identify your feelings; you can communicate them. 3) Medicine may help; but I would suggest finding a longer term solution. You might want to look into Bowen Family systems theory. It has been super helpful for me and help me find some peace. Another book; "The Power of Intorverts" was helpful in realizing some of my strengths (https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153). You are a valuable member of society; but you're just having trouble finding your place. I've felt like an outsider most of my life; but I'm not.
    4 points in /r/INTP by -godofwine- | 04 May 2017
  • Quiet - The concept is about the power of introverts. As a strong extrovert; it's helping me to better understand the introverts in my life...but also when to shut up :)
    1 points in /r/Wishlist by ThePrince_OfWhales | 03 May 2017
  • Number one: For an extrovert; talking is a fulfilling experience for them that they enjoy. The fact that they're "making an effort;" well; the effort for them is very small; and it's something that they will benefit from as well. They have their own "selfish" motivations; as well. They will feel better from the exchange at the end. Better because they had some kind of distraction and didn't have to be bored; and better about themselves because they did something that was "nice." A shy person will very often not benefit anything from the exchange. They might feel worse about themselves at the end. Especially very self-critical people. And; as an introvert; you don't get your energy from other people; so the effort that it would require from an introvert is not the same effort that it would require from an extrovert. So the question is why even do it. You're making the assumption that talking to another person that you don't know is the "nice" thing to do. Yes; if the other person wants to talk. If the other person doesn't want to talk; then not talking to them is actually the "nice" thing to do. You give this example: >And when that person is shy. When that person is fighting me and not engaging with me; well I can't help them; assuming that is what they want. In that situation; you; as the extrovert; trying to talk to them is perhaps the "selfish" thing to do. Maybe you are being the "selfish" one when a person doesn't want to talk and feels that it is a disturbance and annoyance to them; and yet you attempt to talk to them. My point is that neither one is really selfish. We can't read the minds of people that we meet to know whether they want to talk or they don't want to be bothered. Additionally; people who are extroverted get rewarded from interacting with other people; so you can't say that what they are doing is the opposite of selfish. You don't know how much of an effort something is; how much more difficult it is for one person over another; and how much benefit each person gets in the end. Have you ever read Quiet by Susan Cain? It explains a lot of the differences between introverts and extroverts.
    9 points in /r/ForeverAlone by DizzyUpTheWorld | 03 May 2017
  • The problem is many self-help books and well meaning friends will setup the false premise that being "a sorority girl who is extroverted and affectionate" as some sort of ideal you want to shoot for. Nothing could be further than the truth. There's nothing wrong with being "unexcitable" or laconic or "aloof" or "weird" if that's the real you. This book has a good take on the subject:


    Instead of feeling bad about who you are; why not hang out with people who are more like you or simply accepting of who you are? Find activities you like that are accepting of people like you and you'll meet someone who is a better fit.

    For example; I joined a community orchestra called The Really Terrible Orchestra that was full of misfits and super accepting of everyone. Meetup has groups that cater to introverts. My local area has Bookworms Night Out; for example.
    2 points in /r/OkCupid by czei | 14 Apr 2017

  • I was very confused initially as well. I did assume most people knew what extrovercy/introvercy are. Well; I almost finished reading a book on the topic but still.

    Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
    1 points in /r/CasualConversation by throwcap | 12 Apr 2017

  • You're welcome. I am an introvert and I see that even other introverts misunderstand what it means to be an introvert.

    If you liked that link you're going to love this book https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153 .
    3 points in /r/casualiama by nomotivationandtired | 20 Jan 2017

  • Here is one of the books


    There is also an introvert subreddit but it tends to draw people who are also struggling so it can seem kind of whiney.
    2 points in /r/ireland by UnicornStatistician | 29 Dec 2016