Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
02 Jan 2002
The connection between controlling abusive or alcoholic parents and adult problems with self-esteem, work, or intimacy is examined in a compelling guide to coming to terms with a troubled childhood. Reprint.
Overall: 64% of the 142 mentions are positive, 35% are neutral and 1% are negative.
You might gain a great deal by researching codependence. Often people who were born into & raised in less-than-stellar family systems (violence; fear; coldness; rejection) end up strongly codependent & reliant upon external validation instead of being able to comfort & strengthen themselves.
Codependence is (in my opinion) an unhealthy extension or exaggeration of the natural human need for connection. If you've been put through difficulties during your infancy & childhood; that will likely add some level of difficulty to your quest to establish a strong sense of self; because the natural human need for connection was flawed or denied when & where it counted most - when you were a helpless infant or small child.
But such a strong sense of self can be developed. There are many good books out there on the subject of overcoming difficult or neglected childhoods:
And you can purchase that book & the next one from used-book sites for a fairly cheap price:
1 points in /r/CBT by ziddina | 28 Apr 2017
After I wrote that; I realized that I actually have a letter like this; though I didn't write it to myself. It was a letter to my Nmom that I started drafting while I was dealing with her extinction burst last summer. I don't know if you have read the book Toxic Parents; but there is a template in there for writing your parent a letter -- I believe it goes "This is what you did; this is how it made me feel; this is how it has affected my life; and this is what I need from you going forward." So I was following that format; and I went over every last thing she had done to me -- from the very small to the egregious. I got as far as the first 2 topics and started on the 3rd before I ran out of energy (and ultimately decided to send her a completely different letter to enforce my boundaries). But I stumbled across this letter a few weeks ago and holy crap did it really hit me how much she has done to me that is not okay. Like seriously not okay. And at the time I wrote it; I don't think I even fully grasped how not okay a lot of that stuff was.
Anyway; my point is just that I can understand the emotional impact of going back and reading a letter that lays bare all of the abusive behavior that you've experienced. It really does make me say 'fuck you' to her all over again.
The Brain That Changes Itself is a book that isn't really a self-help type book. But for me; it really inspired me. It showed me that I do have the power to change. Even to change things that I thought were impossible.
3 points in /r/simpleliving by iliikepie | 10 Dec 2016